Can one feel empty? Yet nothing is contradictory. Is emptiness denoted as a feeling? Can it be when essentially it is akin to the absence of something?
Maybe then … a point centered right betwixt feeling nothing and yet everything. Like I’m nothing but a mere white dot in a sea of blackness; juxtaposition. Right at the bent between the mend and break. Numb and unfeeling, nestled by pain and pleasure. Centered between – right and wrong.
Empty; like not knowing what to do and having so much to do. Like having so much you want to say and then not saying anything at all. Like an idealistic romantic stuck in pragmatic circumstances. Like not knowing whether he loves for you or for the idea of who you fit into. Like wanting to bawl and yet holding strong. Like not wanting to make a choice and yet knowing a choice will be made. Like wanting to die and yet fighting to live. Breaking apart and yet mending up.
Empty is how I feel when I think of love. When I examine what I seemingly know or know not of. Love never was about a bed of roses. Love is looking at another and accepting them for exactly who they are. Sometimes, we get so enamoured by love, fearful of losing it or not even being able to find it that we forget about looking at things from a logical view. We accept truths on normal circumstances we will not; make excuses and convince ourselves it’s okay when in reality? It isn’t.
Love to me in essence is never involving or requiring another person to change. It is to love every fibre of them that makes the other whole. It is to look inward when their beliefs cross fire with yours and to internalize what fires you have within that have stirred, which of your demons don’t play nice with his. Why and how can this make you a better person.
Loving is to accept their shortcomings and insecurities unquestioningly because they are as much a part of them as the things you love – from their humour, laughter, confidence, intelligence, kindness … the very things that pulls them to you.
Emptiness; like wanting to fly yet fearing to fall.
